Riveroflifelisajoy’s Weblog
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I APOLOGIZE…LORD–and Thank you
Dear Lord,
I am your child…but
I grow frustrated sometimes
when I feel like time goes by too
slowly.
I wish I could stay like a person I know
where I would have constant faith and it
be unshakeable faith.
I get nervous and lonely and scared.
I admit it Lord….I confess my sin.
I have doubt …while others a full of
the VICTORY!
BUT TODAY…I confess I was a bad child!
I was sad and dispondent…I was lonely and
fearfull, I admit to jealousy of other
women that have husbands, mates, and
boyfriends….I admit my sin Lord Jesus!
How many friends do I have? NOne!
So I admit my sin Lord–I admit my sin.
Please Lord, you are mighty and strong…
Show yourself mighty and strong in my heart
and give me your grace and power.
Hallelujah! Thank you Lord Jesus! I could
not make it without you.
Please Lord…grant me forgiveness of my
selfish will, my head strong self
determine. I had no help I thought…and the
help came. I had no love Lord and you
had someone to me proclaim…
your love!~
I had no peace Lord and to me
peace came…
I had no joy Lord and to me
Joy came…
So I apologize Lord…that I allowed to grow
into the cast down feeling.
Yes, I am still alone….and lonely….I feel lost
around young and old couples,
I do feel sad about my losses in life…
but I do have your life, your love..
your peace and your joy.
Thank you Lord…and forgive me again…
Thank your for having patience on me and
on my soul, and saving me from my sins
through Jesus Christ during this Lenten
Season.
Amen! And also thankyou for answering my
prayer about food today…this Saturday.
I remember Lord that I wrote so many
sad and down trodden poems and prose
about not having food to feed my family.
But Lord you had mercy and delivered me and
my family.
Thank you God….Again….your wayward
chile…river of life…AKA MUD OF LIFE
Lisa Miserable…..((((when I am not being
a good servant))))
COTTON MOUTH
Dry like the parchment of the
scroll of a writ
of so long ago
Thousands of years
hid away
Moments in the hands of
an anthropologist
crackling under his
sweaty palms
grasp
the dry old parchment
will melt away
if not put in sealed
archival containers
dry like the old linen dress
of yesteryear
like a ball of cottom in my mouth
the medical diagnosis
has come and gone
and now my sensations are
minimized
except for the diagnosis
pain that is ripping its’
way deep into my heart.
Trying to explain to my
child that he has to
take medication to save his
life.
Cotton mouth,
loss of taste for the
things you love.
Loss of sensation in my
feet and hands
Sitting I type not
feeling, not
wanting to feel the pain
deep searing a tunnel through
my stomach
I feel full,
gas overcomes my belly
cotton mouth
prevents me from
eating
like the fullness of
emptiness I hold
deep in my belly to
unfold until I scream from
pain and agony
Take the truth,
dealt the truth
no compassion
was the final blow
given
lost in a new
hell
fear of the unknown and
the diagonosis compells
the rickety fence of hell to
open and reveal the ominous
cavern that threatens to swallow
us whole
We must proceed my child
we must go in
Cotton mouth,
sweaty palms,
sweaty feet,
sudden compulsion to
release bodily fluids,
fight or flight sydrome
in full affect
compel me oh Lord
toward the light
Let taste return
Cotton Mouth–
I cannot swallow
for the diagnosis
itself is not paletable
The diagnosis was
given with such cold
precision like the blade
of the surgeons knife
Hold my hand my child
walk together we will
toward the tower of hell
but together we will
climb to heaven
despite the steely grasp of the Cotton mouth!
Christian Views on Pants or Dresses at Church!—Does it Matter?
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This is the thing……everyone knows that the New Testament states that we are “grafted” into the body of Christ…..we become Jewish? REMEMBER JESUS IS JEWISH! HE DID NOT CHANGE….the scripture did not change…..Didn’t it say to the Jew first (the Gospel) then to the gentile? So, my point is ….you should be following the Jewish Calendar first of all. YOu should follow the SABBATH, you should never wear a PANTS….or have a job that would require you to have wear pants….you should be giving your children Bat Mitzvahs, and Barmitzvahs….in which they would be required to read the old testament and receite the scriptures of the OLD AND NEW TESTAMENT….to show his or her coming of age…..for those of us that are black….you should not be following PAGAN rights of passage. IF YOU REALLY CALL YOURSELF A FOLLOWER OF CHRIST….WHY DO YOU not follow the JEWISHNESS OF JESUS? wHY DO PEOPLE TAKE Jesus heritage out of their salvation? The whole entire point of why he is the perfect sacrifice is due to the JEWISH RELIGION AND ITS VIEWS OF GOD AND THIER RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. There is no other religion in which a sacrifice is made by a priest, a law handed down, a relationship of great miracles, a circumcision of the men, (boy babies), a freedom from Egypt is given…..You cannot throw out the “baby with the bath water”—-let us not limit ourselves from the vastness of God and his relationship with the Jews! I have a Jewish Christian Brother in Christ. He has invited me to his congregation on numerous occasions. They celebrate Passover, and all the Jewish Holidays. It is not a law…but if you love somebody—–Truly love somebody….wouldn’t you want to know all there is to know about that person? So why does the black church, and the white church for that matter….cancel out the JEWISHNESS OF JESUS? And first of all his name is Yesuha!
The Pagan leaders of the day….The Greek and Roman leaders of the times who chose to take over the “Christian Faith” and ((((allowed)))) Christians to worship OPENLY…..and then created this off shoot from Jesus actuall teachings and built a religion in which Christians started “praying” to the SAINTS as well as Jesus…….called Yeshua —-Christ—-Not the Jewish Deciples! (YOu know what Christian religion I am refering to.) I am not blaming the black church for doing something wrong…..One of the Oldest African American Churches is in Philly…..Blacks were taught the Christian faith in America…..and we being the strong willed and intelligent people that we are —-back then took that religious training that we received from the slave owners, or abolitionists and formed our own churches…..But I believe…that if the teachers had been THE JEWISH CHRISTIANS. that I am a friend of….you would not wear pants ever…..we would read hebrew, we would worship on the Sabbath meaning saturday…… wHAT? yOU THINK I MEAN TO KEEP THE LAW? No!!! That would have been our RELIGIOUS CULTURE! Jewish people do not think it hard to worship on Saturday…..we do! We are so programed to Saturday wash, and shopping! We in the black church would never give up that weekend….not like that! uNLESS WE ARE Seventh Day Adventist!….or Jehovah Witnesses! —————————So basically…..I think it is a big waste of time to discuss wearing pants or not…..we need to start following the Jewish Calendar, follow certain cultural activties that Jesus followed when he walked this earth. You want to understand Jesus the man who chose to lay down his life? GET to know Jesus in his COMPLETENESS!!!…..not just some religious preaching on Sunday….but the real Savior….Get to know his struggles as a human, and the Savior of the world. So do pants really matter? I think not! What matters is the state of the heart, and the appropriate clothing. I have seen women in dresses that were quite inappropriate for church…..so where does that leave us? Can you pull that person to the side and tell them what to wear? Think about it! Thanks ! HAPPY EASTER—- |
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Just so you understand what you are looking at and reading….this is my response to a Question posted on the AOL Black Voices blog. Should Women Wear Pants to Church. —-This is my complete response. I just wanted to share this with you…..tell me what you think! Happy Easter!!!!
Riveroflifelisajoy!
“Don’t Love me too much” –haiku prose- by riveroflifelisajoy
***Oil paint of still life by RIVEROFLIFELISAJOY 8/07
****************************************************
Don’t love me too much
he said, and I held him tighter
You have to love G-d more
I do, I said.
No…you don’t
he said
I grew angry that
he saw through my
tears of fear
I feared loss
I feared loneliness
I feared the emptiness
and empty bed
I loved him
We would embrace
and our “unique” addition
to the Eskimo nose kiss was
our left eye to right eye touch
Our eyes and cheeks would touch
He would flutter his eye lashes on mine
I would try to see within his soul
through my mind’s eye
Don’t love me too much
You have got to love G-d more
We held hands even in our sleep
We would entwine our legs even
in our sleep
We awoke and talked of our
goals
He would jump up and bring
a paper to bed and show me the
plans he had written the day
before
I would look on and think
I AM –lucky, or proper term
blessed I was to
have a man with vision
goals and dreams
I would hug him and
close my eyes and
be so happy
I just want to be happy
I said
“It is not about you
It is not about me
It is about what we can do for
others he said
His goals were plain
His goals were simple
Help those around you
Do what you can for the
disadvantaged
Jobs, training, youth, and
prayer
He wanted to be a minister
He wanted me to be there
A dark cloud approached
and my sunny day faded to
black
I could no longer hug his strong
muscular back
For he was gone
Skizzzz
Soooo
FREAAAAAA
NEEEEEE
YAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
A gutteral,
primitive scream!!!
That horrible disease
destroyed my dream
Darkness took over
tentacles crawled from the
depths of hell
and dragged him down
a so,– so deep well
Don’t love me so much!!
was all I could hear
Take care of my son,
to me you will always be
dear!!!!!
Continue to sing,
and give to the poor
for in that you will not
lose me….ever more!!!!
So I continue to help
I continue to give
Although my arms ache,
the lost love that
I can no longer take
I understand now
I ponder and think
What did he see
beyond that ugly,
ugly, brink?
I have not lost him
when at last I think
he has been in every
good deed
I will not falter
until my dying day
Although there is no
grave plot
No memorial for him
for that ugly, ugly
monster has claimed
him from within
He is missing,
traveling a road I can
not find
Missing in body—
missing in mind
SKIZOPHRENIA!
He is gone, for nine years
Don’t love me too much
Hold on to G-d
I did grow strong
I will go on
But I will always
love him
from now on
Do not feel sorry for me
For I have suffered great
loss
But I have no regrets
For great was the love
some would call it soul
mate
I call it a blessing from
above
He was my teacher,
my mentor,
my best friend
my lover
my husband
He had a good and
honorable job
as a Corrections Officer
yet he was taken from me by
illness beyond my control
His goals and dreams never to
be fulfilled
But yet he still lives on
Don’t love me too much
—but I do
———————-Fini’
riveroflifelisajoy
T.D. Jakes: Movie, “WOMAN THOU ART LOOSED!” WHAT A POWERFUL EYE OPENER!!! A MUST SEE FOR EVERYONE!
Children are pure and simple.
Adults are children who grew up.
Why are there so many adults that have forgotten what it was like to be a child?
What has happened to the hurting children of society?
They grow up….and if they are still unaware of circumstance s that have changed their attitudes, and they are not aware of their actions and how it creates the future paths that they take….WOW!
You end up with the powerful film that I just saw tonight. I hesitated to purchase…yes purchase this movie. I thought it was going to be a sermon for a good long hour or more. But instead for people who like hard hitting reality type dramas….this is it. T.D. Jakes plays himself in this movie.
But he is so low key that he does not over do it. He did exactly what a minister is supposed to do…..listen. T. D. Jakes listened to the actors in their roles and behaviors. He was excellent!
But the worse part of the movie was the child being attacked. That was too graphic for me.
I had to fast forward it after I watched the movie for the second time.
The Woman thou art loosed may stir up old hurts and old pain for those who have suffered such things as a child.
The ending is somewhat confusing. It leaves it up in the air.
But it gave voice to those humanbeings that have suffered in many circumstances in life.
It is skillfully acted, and not too over the top. It was difficult to watch at times…because it was so brutally raw and real.
It was not a true story….but it makes you wonder if maybe there were other reasons for the pain and suffering in the world.
It makes you want to give the entire world a hug.
Every race has suffered.
Every race has cried.
Every race has wished the sun would not go down on its’ sorrow.
Every race has prayed for a new begining.
And all mankind has begged, and pleaded for redemption from suffering.
There are no human beings excempt from suffering.
Please watch this movie….do not look at the race of the people playing the acting roles
….do not look at T.D. Jakes as a man who has a “black” persepective on the situation.
Please take a look.
The movie “Woman Thou Art Loosed” may just change your perspective on life for the better.
Have a good night!
RIVEROFLIFELISAJOY!
My New Year’s Resolution–It’s Gonna Be Great In 2008!!!
No matter what…I will resolve
to improve my status in life!
I want to go in the direction of
Peace with my fellow man
I want to develop a clear and
concise plan
I will move in the direction of harmony with
all. But will not give up my self-respect
Because if I do, I have wasted this long, long up hill
trek.
Will you take my hand,
My fellow man?
Can we together rise,
up toward the heavenly skies to
bring down the fighting across the
globe?
Can we bring down the pain and suffering
in the lives of men, women, and children?
Can we find ways to stay the course, and
not have to live out our lives full of
remorse? From good deeds left undone,
from victories left not won?
Can you search deep within, and see the one true love
of mankind that will give us the answer
and the goal that is about to unfold in the
coming year?
Does every year new have to begin with
Tears?
Can we shout in victory together, all man kind
of every race, creed and religion?
All of mankind of all lifestyles, and traditions
Can we this year….of 2008 be ready, be real,
and prepared to be GREAT?
What say you, my fellowman kind and womankind–Are we up for the challenge to participate in the year 2008!
Come forward, and do not fear, the end of the 2007 is drawing to an end.
I hope you will take the challenge and assist this beautiful world on which we reside to come to a mend and heal from deep inside.
You do not have to believe in the same God as I do.
Just place your foot, within your shoe and take just
one step forward.
Take another step forward toward your destiny.
There is a purpose for all of us on this globe called earth!
Do not be afraid to see your value, see your worth!
I will pray for you. I will pray for myself…
I will pray that the Almighty God above reveal his love to one and all! That you, your friends, and family and I will
receive joy, peace and prosperity in the coming year 2008!
Just do not forget to open the gate for the poor, the down trodden, the sick, and the weak.—
For those who have received much….much is required back to assist those who are yet on the road as pilgrims seeking salvation and peace.
May the God of all—The Alpha and Omega
the Beginning and the End —give you all that you need to succeed in 2008!
I resolve to be a help and not a hinderance on that road toward our goals of man-kinds success!
Till next blog
RIVEROFLIFELISAJOY!
What is the real price of rent these days?
“My God, My God—why hath thou forsaken me?” According to the scripture, my God forsook Jesus for a short period of time during the ultimate scarcrifice….Jesus Life for my salvation. As a Christian I have been experiencing some rather difficult times. I have been without food, without electricity, without heat, without a decent coat for myself and my child. Why do you ask? It all started when my husband became Paranoid Skizophrenic almost ten years ago. I will not give all of the details but I will tell you that I had a mother in law that nearly destroyed MY life and my Child’s life.
I had to think and pray…fast, work, talk to agencies and organizations to keep from losing the battle with that woman. Although she was just a human being it appeared that she had the power more than humanly possible.
She tried to take my liberty and ruin my life. However, by God’s grace she did not succeed. I was strengthened by a few people in my life. My mother, and a few people at work….literally a few. I was surprised that churches did not offer any real help.
When my husband was put away for a month due to a court “mental Hygiene warrant—the church I attended at that time refused to visit him.
They told me that they were praying for him and that would be enough. They did not offer any food, any money and they did not even come to visit me. But as “Paul” stated…..”My God is suffiecient to meet all our needs, a
ccording to his riches in glory.” It was not based on the people I would have expected to help me…Finally—life after nearly ten years has been hard…..but eventful—even filled with miracles. Without the help of strangers and others (some not of my religious beliefs at all)—My son and my mother and I have been making it.
NO, I have NO hatred for those out to harm me…..I have too much at I am trying to focus on. My music, my education, my son’s future and the blessings that I had to open my eyes to see around me.
But getting back to the original title of this blog—“What is the real price of rent these days?” Mine is $1600.00 per month for a 3 bedroom—-
You see—it is all about the NEIGHBORHOOD!!!! Who can afford a cheap rent and live in a “drug infested, gang banging, etc., etc., etc., area and leave your kid to walk to a bus stop, untouched, or leave you elderly relatives in dangerous areas unsecured?
What is the price of rent these days?—Is it monetary? Or is it peace of mind?—-Last week I had to go to the local church food pantry to get food. I make too much to be eligble for food stamps—-I was told I have to make another child to receive them. I was told to go out and get another job.
I was told I would have to be a drug attic by the local welfare department counselor or had my case and my request for simple food stamps to feed my family.
“What is the price of rent these days?” I lost my house after my husband got sick, and I lost my credit rating because I could not sell the house without his signature.
The mortgage company—said you have to have both signatures to sell it—-don’t worry we are taking the house and they took it.—-So I end up paying rent—which is higher than my original mortgage—-$1400.00 —-
What was the point of all of that anyway? Oh, that’s right….the mortgage company had to make a sale so the country could continue to go down in the subprime chaos—But as I recall from the begining of my blog—-
Jesus said, ” My God! My God! Why hath thou forsaken me!!!” Sometimes I feel like that too….especially when I have no food on the table after I pay the $1600.00 RENT—DON’T FORGET THE GAS, ELECTRIC, TELEPHONE BILL—oh—I do not have cable–
I do not have direct TV—but guess who does?
My X- mother in law—-who retired from a high paying city job…..My income is limited due to medical condition of my child and my mother—-I also do not receive child support because my X mother inlaw made sure that my husband (mentally ill) did not apply for any social security benefits.
My son will be 18 years old in the next three years and has never been given any financial assistance except from me….the full time struggleing single parent! Amazing right?
You see my husband was so mentally ill, and is currently been missing since 1998 and never received benefits….because my Xmother inlaw stated that she would make sure that I would never receive any financial assistance from my husband her first born son.—so I can not work too many hours past the regular 40 hour work week.
—-So really—tell me what is the “real price of rent these days?” To be continued…..
RIVEROFLIFELISAJOY!
“IMAGINE ME”
In Luke Chapter 14 verses 7 to14, Jesus describes how to conduct yourself when you are invited to a wedding. He explains that you do not sit in the best seat in the house, (church, temple etc.) instead sit in the worse seat. That way if someone of “more importance arrives” you do not have to change your seat. Verse 11 states it plainly, “IF YOU PUT YOURSELF ABOVE OTHERS, YOU WILL BE PUT DOWN. BUT IF YOU HUMBLE YOURSELF, YOU WILL BE HONORED.”
Then Jesus went on to explain from verse 12 to verse 14: “When you give a dinner ora a banquet, don’t invite your friends and family and relatives and rich neighbors. If you do, they will invite you in return, and you will be paid back. When you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind. They cannot pay you back. But God will bless you and reward you when his people rise from death.”
I constantly think of the disadvantaged. I constantly see the disadvantaged. One day I was going into Manhattan to practice in one of my orchestras. I came over the Triboro Bridge and landed smack in the middle of Harlem. I exited the FDR DRIVE by mistake I saw a woman between the age of 25 and 30. Her dark brown skin was marbled looking. She had lesions on her skin…Her mouth was cracked and painful looking. I was stopped at the red light. I knew what was about to happen. I told my son to take out some money for the woman. She came to my window—I gave her what little change I had left. She told me “Thank you and God bless you!” I said, “Look I could be where you are—-any one could be. I have to answer to God for my actions.”—She looked at me and then replied–“You gave me money and the car in front is a Mercedes and that person would not give me anything. I replied—“Because that person has more than you and I both—they think that they will not one day have you condition or mine—or may be that person does even care….But any way God Bless you and take care of yourself.” I drove off in my ten year old care with only twenty dollars in my pocket….wondering what would that woman do for the rest of her life—what disease was she plaqued with and where would she end up by the end of the year or in a day? Sad—but just like a flower it blooms and withers away. I pray for the world and my own child’s future. Time seems slow when we are at work and hate our jobs….but soon our children grow up, leave us and then we are moved into nurseing homes and then whither and die like a delicate flower.. So to those in beautiful Mercedes, Lexus cars —what ever you drive—remember life is short—live to the fullest—but don’t forget the down trodden—-take the “lesser seat at the wedding—-because you do not know who will be placed in that seat—-MAYBE THE WOMAN ASKING FOR A HANDOUT AT THE STOP LIGHT IN HARLEM —instead of you!!!! —-Think on good things and build bridges–Don’t destroy!!!!
Riveroflifelisajoy's Weblog 
