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Archive for poverty

I APOLOGIZE…LORD–and Thank you

Dear Lord,

I am your child…but
I grow frustrated sometimes
when I feel like time goes by too
slowly.
I wish I could stay like a person I know
where I would have constant faith and it
be unshakeable faith.
I get nervous and lonely and scared.
I admit it Lord….I confess my sin.

I have doubt …while others a full of
the VICTORY!

BUT TODAY…I confess I was a bad child!

I was sad and dispondent…I was lonely and
fearfull, I admit to jealousy of other
women that have husbands, mates, and
boyfriends….I admit my sin Lord Jesus!

How many friends do I have? NOne!
So I admit my sin Lord–I admit my sin.

Please Lord, you are mighty and strong…
Show yourself mighty and strong in my heart
and give me your grace and power.

Hallelujah! Thank you Lord Jesus! I could
not make it without you.

Please Lord…grant me forgiveness of my
selfish will, my head strong self
determine. I had no help I thought…and the
help came. I had no love Lord and you
had someone to me proclaim…
your love!~
I had no peace Lord and to me
peace came…
I had no joy Lord and to me
Joy came…
So I apologize Lord…that I allowed to grow
into the cast down feeling.

Yes, I am still alone….and lonely….I feel lost
around young and old couples,

I do feel sad about my losses in life…
but I do have your life, your love..
your peace and your joy.
Thank you Lord…and forgive me again…
Thank your for having patience on me and
on my soul, and saving me from my sins
through Jesus Christ during this Lenten
Season.
Amen! And also thankyou for answering my
prayer about food today…this Saturday.
I remember Lord that I wrote so many
sad and down trodden poems and prose
about not having food to feed my family.
But Lord you had mercy and delivered me and
my family.
Thank you God….Again….your wayward
chile…river of life…AKA MUD OF LIFE
Lisa Miserable…..((((when I am not being
a good servant))))

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5 am….driving down Jericho Turnpike

Driving down Jericho Turnpike,
I cry, and cry…
My heart aches
My soul quakes with anguish
Why me, why me….ME–ME–ME–
Why do I have to live like this?

I have no food to feed my son and my
mother…
I have no one to turn to….except this
stupid…stupid blog!

I have no friends except for the people
who completely by mistake read this stupid
stupid blog…riveroflifelisajoy….
Right now –it should be called, MUD OF LIFE
–LISA MISERABLE!

WHERE DID I GO WRONG?

why is it my life is stuck in the job cycle?

Why can’t I accomplish more than sadness?
Why does the Bible state that the Lord will
turn my sorrow into gladness?

I have been suffering from the loss of my
husband for- over 10 (ten) years!

No man…no CHRISTIAN MAN…even thinks of
me….no DECENT MAN even contemplates
me!

I have no one call out to.
How many times can I ask for help from the
Church?

I want to succeed….yet everytime I put my
hand to the task…somebody in the house\
gets sick…and there I go again…running to
the hospital!….Taking off from work..and
now bosses on my job dislike or distrust my
responsibility ethic! It is just not fair.

Why is it counterparts…women my age are
married, have relationships, and have
money to pay bills and feed the family?

I work constantly….but my paycheck is not \
enough to survive on.

My rent is $1600.00 per month.
I have debt that is based on day to day
living.\
I work alot of overtime…but the amount of
money I get….gets eaten up by taxes,
and Life Insurance, Disabilty insurance too.

I am beyone words with sorrow…
So there I was early this morning….Saturday..
while my mother and son slept…
I walked to my car…because I wanted to
place a phone call could not from my
house phone because I do not have long
distance….So I had to seek a pay phone.

I went down Braddock Ave. and could not
find a working telephone.
I took off down Jericho Turnpike—
I found a phone…across the street
from a favorite store Catalanos….it has
music instruments, and music books and
music stuff of all kinds.
I called someone…but their cell number
does not answer.

Their mail box is full….the message voice
sounds so smug! It make me start crying
all over again…
It stated: “The mail box is FULL…no messages
can be left at this time!”

That was not a hope…I just wanted to
call out to somebody…and it looks as if
God has left me…alone…again..
So I drove back home and climbed back into
my bed and went into a turtored sleep.
I can barely stand myself…
I feel worthless, and not a good person.
I have empty cabinets, and empty
ice box…no food to feed my mother and
son.

I can gowithout…I am fat….but my son and
my mother need to eat.

I have to humble myself the minster preached
last night….
Oh, God…help me…please! I have no more
words to say….I must have done something
to deserve this….
I must have done something to deserve this.

What does being humble mean?

I have not been able to figure this out.
Some people have told me that I am humble.
A man said it.
But when I went to a Bible study it seems that
I heard that word alot.
Some how I was not as humble as I thought
Then I found myself crying throughout most
of the Bible Study.
So what do I do?
I have to see what it is I am doing wrong.
I am lost at words and lost in my life
I feel that I have caused most of the problems
That I really had no control over.
But somehow…it seems by my attitude…
I am not humble enough…for God to bless
me with a husband, or even just a boyfriend
A companion.
I have been alone for over ten years since
my X-husband has been missing due to
his catastrophic disease…and his adultry.
I miss him for who he had been to me
I miss him for his joy, and I miss him for
his friendship…
I have let go of him…
but no man every approaches me…
I have met men who wanted to use me…
or take advantage of me….I pray for a
Christian Man….but now I am too old
for anybody at all.
So I sat in the Bible study and cried….
Sometimes tears a good….but tonight…
I felt really, really, really, alone…in the midst
of other people.
Do you really want to know why?
I only have $10.00 to my name.
I do not have money and I am without
food to feed my son and mother till
next paycheck
I am lost.;—I feel humiliated…and ashamed
Ashamed that I have no mate, no husband
no one who I can call out to for help.
Sure I can ask the Pastor…but I did that a
month ago.
Things have not gotten better.
So is it a mate, or boyfriend that will
change my circumstance?
No, of course not.

God is the only one that can help me.
So with my prayer….how come I have not
gotten the answer I need to put food on this
dinningroom table.
What does being humble mean anyway?
How humble and humiliated can I become

so that I can get food?

Dear God,

I ask for your help and deliverance.
I ask for forgiveness,
I want to repent of my sins
and I want to see Jesus in my life
I am truly a sinner saved by your grace

But I need your help Lord…
have mercy on me…
Save my family from my lack of finances,,,
I pay rent, but, there is not enough money
to go around after I do that.
Now I sit here at 4 am in the morning on a
Saturday without breakfast for my child…
I am lost and alone…
and worse yet….I am without food.
Thank you Lord for your love and compassion
Amen

GASOLINE AND OIL PRICES OUT OF CONTROL—-I’M FREEZING!!!! WHERE IS THE HEAT?!!!

FRUSTRATION.jpgI AM FREEZING!!!  MY MOTHER IS FREEZING!!!  MY CHILD IS FREEZING!!!   I HAVE NO MONEY TO BUY GAS FOR MY CAR!!! 

What will become of my  Thanks Giving and  Christmas this year?  All of my energy and thoughts are about my freezing fingers while I am sitting here writing this blog!!! 

 I live in a house—I control the heat—but I am a single parent and care giver to my mother!!!!

What on earth is wrong with our economy?  What is wrong with the oil and gas companies ? 

 The problem is that the gas bill is still haunting me from last year 2006!!! 

 I have struggles man!!!  This is a brutal situation!!!  

 When I was a kid my mother did not have to suffer like this!  My mother owned her own house.  My mother always had a way of getting assistance.    

 How do the local politcians and  law makers think that  John Q Public—or Ms. Q Public is going to  survive? 

  They tell you to prepare an “Emergency Preparedness Kit”!!! 

Ha!!! Ha!!! Ha!!!  What do I do when there is not enough heat—-build a camp fire? 

 I can’t put the heat up too high —they just told us that oil and gas  are going to be a flat rate $200.00 or  more!!! 

 I picture them finding me frozen to the keyboard and staring blankly—then they will locate my family—one by one in their respective favorite locations in the house

—-frozen because there was no money to pay the high Gas bill —and as the great Gas utitlity likes to do—our heat was cut off!!!! 

 This is such a scary time that I am not sure what to do!!!   I went to KeySpan Gas Company and you know what they told me last year?!!!  They said that even if you own house—you are not allowed to earn more than $38,000.00 per year and have only one kid!!!!  What?!!!!   So I need to go make a BABY—at the age of 47 years old—so that I can make the quota for this stupid  HEAP REGULATION? 

  Most of my income goes to life insurance–,  for my untimely -or timely death  (probably due to freezing at this keyboard!!!)  So if heap refuses to help me—What am I to do?  

 They even told me I need to go get another job!!!???  I already work 40 hours a week!!!  My mother needs me home—My teenager needs me home—-

I am a single parent BABY BOOMER —who will  probably NOT LIVE LONG ENOUGH IN THIS FREEZING HOUSE IN ORDER TO USE  the soon NONEXISTENT SOCIAL SECURITY!!!! 

—-HOW ABOUT THIS BABY BOOMER TAKING A LOAN ON THAT DWINDLING SOCIAL SECURITY SO I CAN PAY FOR GAS IN MY CAR AND PAY OFF LAST YEARS GAS BILL????

  Are there any law makers that care about single parent BABY BOOMERS WHO ARE CARE GIVERS TO THEIR ELDERLY PARENTS!?!?!?!    

 The politicians ask for my vote—but they soon forget me when they eat dinner at Ophra’s  in  California and around the  $2000.00  a PLATE TABLE  with THE  BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE that wear Dolce and Gabanna whatevers!!!!  AND  SUMMER IN THE HAMPTONS AND BEYOND!!!!  

 Hey!!!—I guess the Devil REALLY does wear Prada!!!!

—Where is the Heat?!!!!   Where is the $2.00 Gasoline price of yesteryear?!!!  Should we go back to the “BLACK LUNG”—Coal?—Oh, that’s right—the natural resources are dwindling too,  right?!—

  The Non-elected  and Elected Officials  do not seem to hear my humble cry!!!!—-Bloggers out there…..Do you feel  what I am blogging today?  Please tell me if I am wrong for complaining about the high cost of  Oil,  Heating Gas,  or Gasoline!!!

—-I need to get to work—I need a car in case somebody in the family gets ill.

**************************************************************

 Dear Elected Officials,

  What can be done for the BABY Boomers who are stuck between the rules of our system that will not give a single parent caregiver financial asistance to decrease the debt to income ratio of the heat level in my humble abode— because of a ridculous  yearly income that Donald Trump and Ophra would laugh at!!!!!

Any assistance in my thought processes on this topic will be greatly appreciated!!!!!

riveroflifeslisajoy!!!

“IMAGINE ME”

In Luke Chapter 14 verses 7 to14,  Jesus describes how to conduct yourself when you are invited to a wedding.  He explains that you do not sit in the best seat in the house,  (church,  temple etc.) instead sit in the worse seat.  That way if someone of “more importance arrives”  you do not have to change your seat.  Verse 11 states it plainly, “IF YOU PUT YOURSELF ABOVE OTHERS, YOU WILL BE PUT DOWN.  BUT IF YOU HUMBLE YOURSELF, YOU WILL BE HONORED.”  

Then Jesus went on to explain from verse 12 to verse 14: “When you give a dinner ora a banquet, don’t invite your friends and family and relatives and rich neighbors.  If you do, they will invite you in return, and you will be paid back.  When you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind.  They cannot pay you back.  But God will bless you and reward you when his people rise from death.”

I constantly think of the disadvantaged.  I constantly see the disadvantaged.  One day I was going into Manhattan to practice in one of my orchestras.  I came over the Triboro Bridge and landed smack in the middle of Harlem.  I exited the  FDR DRIVE by mistake I saw a woman between the age of 25 and 30.  Her dark brown   skin  was marbled looking.  She had lesions on her skin…Her mouth was cracked and painful looking.  I was stopped at the red light.  I knew what was about to happen.  I told my son to take out some money for the woman.  She came to my window—I gave her what little change I had left.  She told me “Thank you and God bless you!”   I said, “Look I could be where you are—-any one could be.  I have to answer to God for my actions.”—She looked at me and then replied–“You gave me money and the car in front is a Mercedes and that person would not give me anything.  I replied—“Because that person has more than you and I both—they think that they will not one day have you condition or mine—or may be that person does even care….But any way God Bless you  and take care of yourself.”  I drove off in my ten year old care with only twenty dollars in my pocket….wondering what would that woman do for the rest of her life—what disease was she plaqued with and where would she end up by the end of the year or in a day?  Sad—but just like a flower it blooms and withers away.  I pray for the world and my own child’s future.  Time seems slow when we are at work and hate our jobs….but soon our children grow up,  leave us  and then we are moved into nurseing homes and then whither and die like a delicate flower..   So to those in beautiful Mercedes,  Lexus cars —what ever you drive—remember life is short—live to the fullest—but don’t forget the down trodden—-take the “lesser seat at the wedding—-because you do not know who will be placed in that seat—-MAYBE THE WOMAN ASKING FOR A HANDOUT AT THE STOP LIGHT IN HARLEM —instead of you!!!!  —-Think on good things and build bridges–Don’t destroy!!!!