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Archive for PHAT Comedy by a Super Phat Gurl and Super Nice Person

Guess What? Weight is a Direct connection to Illness….Heard that on 1010 Wins Health minute! So where’s the Comedy in that?

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There are those heavy, full figured comedians which shall remain namelss, (Monique) who state that BIG IS BEAUTIFUL!   Well I think that is the problem.

  Making one’s soda extra large at the fast food place,  or having BIGGIE FRIES or double, double whopper is not HEALTHY!

  So why are the comedians who can afford a : weight trainer,  lap ban surgery,  and live in doctor telling us big gals and big men that it is alright to STAY BIG?

  That is not a good road to lead people down.  No,  no one is leading me into Biggie fries…I chose those on my own…(if and when I make a choice in that direction!) 

 But still, self-esteem is a big issue in today.  I had a friend who is a rather small man in height and weight….OH,  there are men who love women your size.  Wait,  I will get the name of the “CLUB”  that you can go to inorder to meet men who LOVE BIG WOMEN!!!! UGHHHHHH!!!

 If there was a moment in my life when I knew that I could see the end of a friendship in big clear letters it was then!  I was not into any kind of weird fetish club!  Some people like to look at women’s hands etc…..I do not want to be put in that category. 

 Yes I am big….but no I do not want someone who is looking for a WOMAN MY SIZE!  How dare  you!  I am not a car,   mini van,  coup deville,  or corvet that you pick out at the showroom. 

 Picture this, “Oh, yes we have the model you are looking for,  Large Brown Woman,  Gap in front of teeth, teeth more yellow than white,  This is our used model category of woman though,  but very, very, very reliable! 

 Great mileage….hardly used at all,  only bore one child.  But alas,  this is a late model you know….a baby boomer.  But she does put in a hard days work, despite the now recent weigh in of 269.1pounds! 

 Her legs are strong.  She has actual ankles,  not cankles, you know the calve, and ankles combo….she has distinct ankles for her age and weight. 

She takes her water pills and blood pressure pills quite faithfully.   Yes she is our  SEDAN VERSION OF A LARGE WOMAN….A LITTLE BIT LUXURY, AND A LITTLE BIT ECONOMY….YOU KNOW–SHE IS THE HARD WORKING TYPE…NOT THE PINK FEATHER TOE, BON BON EATING TYPE….SO HERE SHE IS!” 

 See how degrading that all seems?  It is silly, but that is how annoyed my small framed, low weight male friend felt when he made that comment to me.

  And I told him about it….that is right!  If I was a beautiful woman with long flowing black curly hair, I would not want anyone to tell me to go to a club where woman that look like me would find a match of a man who likes woman with black curly hair! 

 Everyone wants to be loved for the unique qualities that are within their spirit and their heart.  No one wants to be picked out for their strange shaped forehead or something. 

 I am not a cow,  a cat or a car.  Treat me special please!   ooooh,  I digress!  I am sorry,  I kind of went off on a tangent didn’t I?  Okay, where were we,  Oh,  yes. 

Being overweight might appeal to some,  but where are it’s health benefits if any?  I heard it today, on  2/15/08….on my favorite radio news station 1010 wins—that there is a direct correlation to health and cancer based on weight according to a study done. 

 (The WHO that did the study has slipped my mind at this time—but it does not matter,  I have heard that statement from my doctor many, many, many times!) 

My problem today,  to correlate to that “new so-called statistical data finding…my back has been aching for the past month now.  It hurts just above the kidney aread…or at it directly. 

 One morning on a Monday to be exact,  I woke up and was too dizzy and weak to make it to work.  I called out sick and made my doctor appointment which I had been putting off. 

 When I told the doctor about this constant pain after I eat meals, drink, or have to move around too much, she took blood.  Since I have highblood pressure and my child Daniel has been getting sick lately I chalked it up to stress. 

But to be on the safe side…lets not ignore ole’ Betsy the Sedan Large and Lovely Body Beautiful….shall we?  So  blood tests all done,  and now MamoGrahm, and GYN up next too. 

 We must check out the facts about weight and health correlation!  I do not want to be the guinea Hippo here…but this is really for myself, and my family.

  I am merely sharing this oh, so very private health condition, and issues with you to help you women who are in my mid-forties, and 269.1 category….not to direct to you a CLUB for large babes….but to direct you to a better state of mind in regards to your daily health! 

 Remember…..our families need us to live long enough to see them grow, and mature,  and be there for babies and all like that.

  So,  do me and you a favor,….no I do not know where the club for Big Gals and the men who love them are….I would not allow my male friend tell me where to go….because I am mentally a Big Gal with a Medium,  healthy weight woman rising!

   (could not resist the horoscope correlation…ladies!)  So  seriously,  take the time to check out your aches and pains.  I personally believe in natural weight loss.  I am afraid of that lap band surgery. 

There  are two women that are on my job right now that have lost tremendous weight, from the surgery.  But see,  I cannot be happy not eating!  I am a foodie! 

 No,  I do not binge,  I just like a good cooked meal.  I have bad habits for eating dinner late into the night and then going immediately to bed.  I have to get up early,  around 5 am.  I always feel sick. 

 Sometimes I will throw up while brushing my teeth, because  the food from the late night dinner after I worked overtime at my job,  did not digest properly.  You know that when you lay down to sleep your digestive track has the nerve to stop working right? 

 So production stops and all that food becomes are hard nasty lump in the pit of your stomach and when you awake you feel nauseaous!  Ugh!

So  getting back to our, yours and my health.

  Check out those aches and pains and call Jenny Craig,  WeightWatchers and First CALL YOUR DOCTOR AND MAKE AN APPOINTMENT…..TAKE A FRIEND WITH YOU IF YOU ARE SCARED…..BUT GO,  BIG GALS GO!  —All joking aside….look in the mirror,  you are beautiful,  but your heart will love you more if you take good care of it! 

And one more thing Ladies….In honor of Women’s heart month…..and Valentines Day—Take care of your heart and it will take care of you!   Happy Valentines Day!

Take care,  until next weight and health blog—

riveroflifelisajoy!!!

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My Weight Problem and How it will Affect the Year 2008 Resolution!!

LIFE STARTS HERE.jpgLet me start this off right!  I am about 265 pounds.  I go up and I go down.  I stay within the range of 250 to 265 at all times.  Right now my stomach is my worse attribute.  I gave birth over 14 years ago—ONE Time!  I had only one pregnancy in my entire life.  (I laugh at that because my huge gut….people always say…”You have a couple of kids…Right?”  I always tell them no!  But would you believe that there is always someone who will persist and continue to tell me that I have more than one child?  I look at them like he/or she is crazy!  I mean, really,  could I have been knocked out at some point,  and given birth and do not remember it?  And where is the child with the social security number to go along with it?  —Any way lets get back to my weight problem)   I was a “full figured” nine year old when I developed my  “period”. 

 I was an active semi-tom boy as a young lady.  I loved sports….I was not the best,  but I participated as much as possible.

  I was on a softball team while in junior high school.  I did gymnastics—which I loved to a certain extent. 

 I could not do the uneven bars because of an inner ear problem.  I could not swing myself up onto the bars without losing my perspective and balance. 

 I would swing throw my legs up and then I would subsequentcially fall because I would have the horrifying giddy sensation in the pit of my stomach and my head  would feel light, and my brain would release such powerful shots of “seemingly electrical volts down my spine.” 

I would loosen my grip on the uneven bar and find myself recuperating on the floor mat.  

  That would happen to me atleast 5 times out of 10 tries on the uneven bars in gymnastics class.  I stuck more to the balance beam, and the floor routines. 

I had the same problem of inner ear confusion but I would be able to prolong that reaction by doing other parts to the gymnastic routine by skipping etc.  Once I did a walkover (head over heel and vice versa) and I fell and banged the side bone of my left big toe.  I had to go to the doctor. 

Nothing was broken —but again that came from that “stupid”–weakness in my inner ear that affects balance.  I also loved Karate!  I had fallen in love with Bruce Lee and the Martial Arts movies he made.  So my parents enrolled me into the Jerome Mackey School of Martial Arts!  I took judo until I received another injury from  my inner ear issue.  My sparing partner had tossed me over her head in a move that I was not familiar with. 

 I lost my balance and slid across the canvas mat and busted my lower lip.  My head throbbed for days and I felt dizzy.  I stopped judo.  I took up karate and I liked it better than judo. 

 Only exception was I did not like to spar!  I am such a baby!  I rode my bike, and played with the neighborhood kids.  I had a pretty good weight. 

 Remember,  I am 47 years old and I am not of the video game generation.  I played with my Barbie dolls and entertained myself by watching the BRADY BUNCH,  I LOVE LUCY, HERE’S LUCY, LOST IN SPACE,  THE BEGINNING EPISODES OF STAR TREK, MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, FLINTSTONES,  HONEY MOONERS etc. 

So basically I was an active kid when my favorite television programs were not on.

So how did I go from a size 13/14 to a WHOPPING  size 22/24? 

 Where did everything go wrong?  I grew up with a 1/2 acre of back yard,  I played hard with my cats and dogs, and ran up and down the peaceful neighborhood street with my neighborhood friends. 

We played games on the stoop,  and played hopscotch,  hide-and- go-seek etc.  I was not fat at all.  As I got older,  men and young boys would ogle over my tiny waist and full hips and body.  So why do I look like a  big ole’ sack o’ potatoes right now? 

Genetic Predisposition Maybe?  But my mother never looked as bad as I do right now!  I know, I know….don’t put myself down right?  Well, it just gets me a bit frustrated and hurts my feelings abit. 

 I want to where cute outfits and bright cheery colors.  Yes, I am aware of the Avenue,  Ashley Steward,  Lane Bryant Stores and Plus size areas in Macy’s etc.,  But it does not matter.  Big is still big.  They  do not  match the designs that I could see myself wearing! 

 For example,  look at Victoria Secret Stores.  I cannot buy anything in that store unless it is perfume.

  They do not make bras for sale at the UGLY over grown size of 42DD! 

 They make things in the 38CC  or D category….but my size seems over the top for them! 

 That is why I only venture in and make a BEE LINE for the lotions and perfumes only.

  I make my purchase and then walk hastily out of the store….so that the skinny ladies who can fit into those great designer bras and panties don’t give me that “ARE YOU KIDDING–ONCE OVER WITH THEIR JUDGEMENTAL EYES”! 

So getting back to my weight.  I am tired of being sick and tired.  I do not care what Monique from the “PARKERS” AND PHAT Girls (famed plus sized commedian)says about being plus sized!  

  FAT,  OR PHAT IS NOT CUTE! —What I am referring to is myself.  I have met and still do know personally some very phsically beautiful people who happend to be plus sized. 

I just want people to realize that I am aware that plus size body does not make a plus size heart.

  So when you feel stressed at work….does your heart beat in that “fight or flight mode because you may not agree with your co-worker over a given topic. 

 So for  the entertainment reason…yes plus size is good….but for those of us who run a household it is not easy to pick up babies,  and cook and clean daily….it becomes a hardship when weight turns simple tasks difficult.

 My jellyroll of a stomach,  and thick stubby legs that make me trip over side walk cracks–is not appealing.  —Honestly,  I fit my clothes better when I was size 13/14!  I had a flat….a real flat stomach back then.  I could do sit ups and push ups and even stretch. 

 I did  Yoga every night back then.  So what has happened you ask?  Well when I met my husband at age 27 I was still in good shape.  Great shape from what he had told me back then.  We met at Queens College while we both attended. 

He was assisting the teacher in swimming class.  I was a student.  I was very shy, I kept my towel rapped around my  waist until it was time to get into the water of the olympic sized pool. 

 I was so embarressed naturally.  Ugh….my husband told me that my body was great….that he would wait for me to take my towel off.  Well any way the rest is history.  We got married,  and issues arose, ensued and he became castastrophically sick and all I have to show of my love for him is my beautiful ONE child who is currently 14 years old. 

I have heard and have read that STRESS can make you fat!  Have you heard that one yet?!  Well, after what I went through in loosing my husband….I should weigh in at about 700 pounds I figure! 

 But really I do not eat as much as what people think about fat people.  I actually have stomach pain most of the time. 

I do not eat breakfast, because I get this bad reaction where I have pain with the first food that hits my stomach….then in a 1/2 hour I feel extremely sleepy….my arms feel heavy and I have to keep putting water on my face, and sometimes I have to even just go sit in a restroom stall at work to keep from passing out!  So I do not eat breakfast…it creates a problem. 

 I checked with my doctors who have no explanation for this syndrome.  So I continue not to eat breakfast.  I see everybody else around me —you know the healthy weight people eating breakfast, sharing food and having a good time about it. 

I eat lunch between 11:00 and 1:30.  I then have dinner at home.  I do not buy junk food.  I do my cooking…but I do not fry anything excep hamburger and some fish.

  I make broiled salmon, and some other fish broiled.  I tend to eat late at night…which is a BIG NO, NO!  I am usually working over time. 

Sometimes, I work 12 to 14 hours a day! When I get home I am too tired to cook.  I get up very early *4 AM and I may leave work at 1pm. 

 I am so tired that I cook and go to bed immediately.  So yes I know what you are thinking….I must get a better schedule right?

However, I need my job.  My kid has medical problems and I cannot quit my job–it has decent health coverage.  

With all my issues to the side for a minute ….I have contemplated the surgery.  I am afraid of that type of hard action.  Although I might sound like a good candidate. 

 I do have high blood pressure….which may not be a good reaction to stomach stapling or placing the “ring” on my stomach either.  I believer I will go out and purchase the sweat pants and shirt and just start walking again. 

I MUST START WALKING TO BEGIN TO LOOSE WEIGHT! 

 I will use that as a option because I started to loose weight over the summer when I was walking ten blocks to catch the bus to work when my car was in the shop for an entire month. 

After I got over the actual 2 weeks of pain in my calves etc.  I began to notice a difference.  Not a big difference….but a difference nonetheless! 

So that is my NEW YEARS RESOLUTION!!!!!******I RIVEROFLIFELISAJOY—WILL COMMITT AS MUCH THOUGHT AND TIME TO ((((((WALKING)))))))  AS I DO TO THIS BLOG.  I will attempt to walk atleast 1 hour everyday….or better yet I will start walking 15 minutes, for a week, and then increase it the next week.  I have to start slow….I have a heart to consider today.

 So what about you?  Are you going to take and make a difference in your own life for the  coming year?  Do you need to loose weight like …or  do you need to accomplish some other goal?  “ROME WAS NOT BUILT IN A DAY!”  (UNKNOWN AUTHOR)

 Sit  down and truly think about your goals for the year 2008!  Plan it , structure it, and tell your family and friends so that they will help you get your act to gether. 

I have told my 14 year old to help Mommy to loose weight.  I asked him to walk with me for the first week of my walk and lose weight campaign!

As you can see, by this blog you who need to loose some weight—start slow….You did not gain weight over night….and you will not lose weight over night….atleast healthy weight loss  saves lives!

Take your time,  TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR AND TELL HIM YOUR GOALS FOR YOURSELF FOR 2008!!! Take it slow  and follow doctors orders.  Becareful with the weight loss surgery. 

Till next blog…in which  I will talk about two people I know who had the two mentioned  medical techniques I described earlier.

Riveroflifelisajoy!