Riveroflifelisajoy’s Weblog

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Archive for religion


I have heard and read stories in the
news paper…”Not the Post”—but the Daily
News and Times about people who have
received heart transplants and begin to have
certain behaviors, likes and dislikes of the
owner of the heart that he/she received
in transplantation.

I often wonder..since I read that…what would
someone remember or what strong habits
do I have that would be remembered if I
were to become a heart donator?

My heart would remember my:
First Kiss from my mother when I was born?
My first kiss from my boyfriend when I was
My first hug, first steps, first days of school
My first love?
The day I received Jesus as My Lord and
My first witness of who Jesus is in my
life after that Ephiany of Salvation?
My wedding day to my x-husband?
My realization that my husband had
left me the first time….the second time
and when he became tragically sick?
My first nights of sleeping alone in a bed
that I had shared with someone for ten
My first time of loss from a companion who
I would never see again in life
My first look at my son and realize that he
had lost his father forever to a tragic
disease and who would not ever see his
father again.
My first time that my mother would tell me
that I have to go on for my son…and
focus my attention on the Lord and raising
my son without his father…
My first date with a man….two years after
we tragically lost my husband
My son’s first words, my son’s birthday
and how special that was
My son’s look and behavior that reminds
me of his father…
My life since I have learned to let go and
move forward from my fears and allow
God to lead me toward a new and
joyful life…

Yes….you know the HEART HAS A MEMORY


In my daily struggles…
I must give thanks…
Apostle Paul stated that
“I am cast down…but not destroyed…”
I have been through serious hurt and
serious physical pain….I have felt love,
romantic feelings, fear and sickness.
But even in all that…it is proven to me to
have faith, have love, and give thanks
in all of those trails!
I have awakened at 4am and found myself
tired of sleeping…my soul hungry for the
answer…I have walked my house…and
found myself full of fear that had me in
its’ grip. I would sit and pray, think and
ponder the issue and then cry.

I sometimes get in my car and drive.
I want to give thanks but sometimes it
is difficult to give thanks when it
hurts so bad. Agony is no joke.
So I always try to say “Lord have mercy
on my soul and then keep me nearer the
cross. Help me Lord, lift me up…from this
deep dark pit….pit of pain and misery…
Have mercy Lord Jesus…!
Let this pain or fear pass from me.
Sometimes I would have prayed and
grow sleepy and I climb the steps back
to my bed and fall back to sleep.
I awake in a better spirit.
I have received the Lord’s peace in my
So when I have awakened I give thanks!
The situation may have stayed the same–
but I feel that I can cope a little better.
I feel a little less pain.
I feel a little less fear.
The imediate answer to a prayer does not
always come the same day…or same year!
But the answer comes…yes the answer
All one has to do is to hold on to that
prayer, write in down in a book and keep
track of that!
Never feel despair….never give up…just
keep on holding on. Get others to pray
with you…believing that these things that
you have prayed for will happen.
Sometimes it may take years….I still do not
have a husband after all of these years.
I have been alone for 10 years. So if you
want to know how to cope with being
You need a job….COUNT IT ALL JOY AND
GIVE THANKS…YOU need better health
….give thanks, and count it all joy!



Sometimes we forget to pray
Sometimes we forget to even
Thank you!
Lord God Almighty
How many miracles have I received this
year already?
Lord God Almighty
You have shielded me,
Loved me, protected me…
You have shielded my neighbors
You have protected my neighbors
Lord God Almighty
through you all things were made…
Through you people are strengthened
to continue on!
Thank you Lord God Almighty!


The Glory of God

Upon you oh Lord do I meditate.
This morning before I leave my
quiet home —not late
You have awakened me to see
this snow storm
Your power and might bestowed…
put me in awe.
Lord, Jesus put your angels around
my car as I drive to work.
Protect my family.
Let the Glory of God come down
on all people and put a shield around
the children on school buses, parents
going to work in cars, and give us grace
and mercy.
Lord Thank you for the white
blanket of snow and the glory of it
as the white hair on Jesus Head in
the book of Revelations.
I love you Lord…
Thank you for your grace, mercy and
compassion on me and my family and the
world today.
Please feed the poor and lost of the
world with your love and mercy.
Thank you,

In Jesus name….
Is my morning prayer…

Amen, and Amen 3/2/09


Dear Lord,

It has been a long, long day.
I woke up too early and too sad this
morning …for alot of reasons.
Some I will admit to and others I am
still trying to figure out.

Some subconscious desires I am willing
to let you address through my prayers.
and other issues, I can see and you can
help me to see clearer.

Please Lord grant me peace tonight!
Let my sleep be sweet and let me rest
in your love.


5 am….driving down Jericho Turnpike

Driving down Jericho Turnpike,
I cry, and cry…
My heart aches
My soul quakes with anguish
Why me, why me….ME–ME–ME–
Why do I have to live like this?

I have no food to feed my son and my
I have no one to turn to….except this
stupid…stupid blog!

I have no friends except for the people
who completely by mistake read this stupid
stupid blog…riveroflifelisajoy….
Right now –it should be called, MUD OF LIFE


why is it my life is stuck in the job cycle?

Why can’t I accomplish more than sadness?
Why does the Bible state that the Lord will
turn my sorrow into gladness?

I have been suffering from the loss of my
husband for- over 10 (ten) years!

No man…no CHRISTIAN MAN…even thinks of
me….no DECENT MAN even contemplates

I have no one call out to.
How many times can I ask for help from the

I want to succeed….yet everytime I put my
hand to the task…somebody in the house\
gets sick…and there I go again…running to
the hospital!….Taking off from work..and
now bosses on my job dislike or distrust my
responsibility ethic! It is just not fair.

Why is it counterparts…women my age are
married, have relationships, and have
money to pay bills and feed the family?

I work constantly….but my paycheck is not \
enough to survive on.

My rent is $1600.00 per month.
I have debt that is based on day to day
I work alot of overtime…but the amount of
money I get….gets eaten up by taxes,
and Life Insurance, Disabilty insurance too.

I am beyone words with sorrow…
So there I was early this morning….Saturday..
while my mother and son slept…
I walked to my car…because I wanted to
place a phone call could not from my
house phone because I do not have long
distance….So I had to seek a pay phone.

I went down Braddock Ave. and could not
find a working telephone.
I took off down Jericho Turnpike—
I found a phone…across the street
from a favorite store Catalanos….it has
music instruments, and music books and
music stuff of all kinds.
I called someone…but their cell number
does not answer.

Their mail box is full….the message voice
sounds so smug! It make me start crying
all over again…
It stated: “The mail box is FULL…no messages
can be left at this time!”

That was not a hope…I just wanted to
call out to somebody…and it looks as if
God has left me…alone…again..
So I drove back home and climbed back into
my bed and went into a turtored sleep.
I can barely stand myself…
I feel worthless, and not a good person.
I have empty cabinets, and empty
ice box…no food to feed my mother and

I can gowithout…I am fat….but my son and
my mother need to eat.

I have to humble myself the minster preached
last night….
Oh, God…help me…please! I have no more
words to say….I must have done something
to deserve this….
I must have done something to deserve this.

What does being humble mean?

I have not been able to figure this out.
Some people have told me that I am humble.
A man said it.
But when I went to a Bible study it seems that
I heard that word alot.
Some how I was not as humble as I thought
Then I found myself crying throughout most
of the Bible Study.
So what do I do?
I have to see what it is I am doing wrong.
I am lost at words and lost in my life
I feel that I have caused most of the problems
That I really had no control over.
But somehow…it seems by my attitude…
I am not humble enough…for God to bless
me with a husband, or even just a boyfriend
A companion.
I have been alone for over ten years since
my X-husband has been missing due to
his catastrophic disease…and his adultry.
I miss him for who he had been to me
I miss him for his joy, and I miss him for
his friendship…
I have let go of him…
but no man every approaches me…
I have met men who wanted to use me…
or take advantage of me….I pray for a
Christian Man….but now I am too old
for anybody at all.
So I sat in the Bible study and cried….
Sometimes tears a good….but tonight…
I felt really, really, really, alone…in the midst
of other people.
Do you really want to know why?
I only have $10.00 to my name.
I do not have money and I am without
food to feed my son and mother till
next paycheck
I am lost.;—I feel humiliated…and ashamed
Ashamed that I have no mate, no husband
no one who I can call out to for help.
Sure I can ask the Pastor…but I did that a
month ago.
Things have not gotten better.
So is it a mate, or boyfriend that will
change my circumstance?
No, of course not.

God is the only one that can help me.
So with my prayer….how come I have not
gotten the answer I need to put food on this
dinningroom table.
What does being humble mean anyway?
How humble and humiliated can I become

so that I can get food?

Dear God,

I ask for your help and deliverance.
I ask for forgiveness,
I want to repent of my sins
and I want to see Jesus in my life
I am truly a sinner saved by your grace

But I need your help Lord…
have mercy on me…
Save my family from my lack of finances,,,
I pay rent, but, there is not enough money
to go around after I do that.
Now I sit here at 4 am in the morning on a
Saturday without breakfast for my child…
I am lost and alone…
and worse yet….I am without food.
Thank you Lord for your love and compassion