Riveroflifelisajoy’s Weblog

Just another WordPress.com weblog

Archive for Date Rape

With the Free CONDOMS….Do I get a free guest pass to the Motel Too?–Reflections on Free Condoms in the HighSchools!

LIFE STARTS HERE.jpgI understand the goal of the school system.  I just do not comprehend the where and the how of it all.  I am a Baby Boomer!  My mother was very strict and I did not have my first boyfriend until I was 21 years old. 

 Yep, you guessed it…Late Bloomer, Baby Boomer.  I was born in 1961!  The Kennedy Era….blacks were still being treated like 3rd class citizens and society was still quite “Judeo/Christian” in its ethics and views of the American Society and the global outlook on things strange and foreign. 

 So with all that being said,  I am still a child of the “strict Judeo Christian Ethic”  I do not like to have conversations ab0ut overt sex, sex play, or lifestyles.  What I mean is that I am considered a person who is quite conservative in my values on life in general.

  However,  I have been concerned only about the goals of myself as a mother and leader in my family.  My personal views do not involve the rights, or lack of rights of another person unless their rights impringe on my personal assumed or legal rights as it were. 

 So again I ask this silly, silly question,  Does the giving out of free condoms to highschool students come with free passes to the local motel,  a booklet on sex,  proper hygenic sex,  sex education, and levels of sex methods, and proper treatment of one’s sexual partner? 

Do not give a person socks without shoes!  The condom is only part of the equation as far as I am concerned.  But I guess the “Powers that Be”– believe that highschool kids have that mentality of “Where there is a will there is a way?”

  In a back alley,  a park,  their parent’s house or whatever location that would be demoralizing to both parties engaged in sexual intercourse in some illegal public place if they were to get caught in a compromising “position” by a representative of law and order (if you know what I mean.) 

So if condoms are being handed out….what about books,  proper cleaning of genital areas,  books on crabs, genital warts, sexual life choices,  sexually transmitted diseases, Aids awareness packets, and procreation booklets as well as the most difficult topic of all —–abortion. 

For as we all know…..the condom,  the spermicide, the gels, the sponges, the pills, the “bandaides that are placed out of sight on the female body” do not always work. 

The purchase of the condom can be done at any time.  The saving of a young life from disease, or date rape is more difficult.  Teaching teenages about respect of one’s partner, or “domestic violence”,  NO, MEANS NO, and  pregnancy should be a mandate in all United States schools. 

 My son learned about his body parts, and sexual organs in Grace Lutheran Church and School, in the 4th grade.  I was upset at first and I asked the principal “Why”?  Now?  He is so young…..I still wanted him to believe in Santa Claus and Charlie Brown, the Easter Bunny and all of those fun child like things! 

 But instead a religious school that I paid $300 per month to was teaching about God and his private parts!  Ugh!!!! I was not ready for my 10 year old to start that discussion. 

Look,  I am not a prude.  I grew up with alot of pets!  I have had dogs that we owned that procreated in our yard and then we would have to throw water on them with they got “stuck”. 

  My son grew up with dogs also.  He is now 14 years old.  He was Zero to 13 living with our pets.   He had seen the dogs stuck together in the yard and came running telling me that something was wrong with the two dogs.

  I ran to the embarressing scene only to find the dogs looking equally embarressed as I was.   I would deal with the dogs and then I was left with the discussion of what that was called, and how that happend….which to be honest….I have still not understood why that “sticking” thing happens with dogs….but anyway…I digress. 

 I just did not want my son to get ALL of the details at9.  I thought 12 years old was better.  But what caused me to relax was the great principal Mrs. Lloyd. 

 Mrs. Lloyd said to my very, very, anxious teary eyed face…..”Mrs. Riveroflifelisajoy,  Don’t you want your child to be aware of his body and his rights over his body? Just because we are Christian does not mean that we should be naive about our bodies,  and neither should our children. 

This class will help possibly prevent the child from being lured into a sex abuse issue,  do you understand?  We have to teach them, and that helps them to understand the dangers.  We do not want to frigthen the children,  we want to arm them with knowlege not ignorance.”  

 After that talk, I calmed down.  I thought about what she said.  I thought back on my own personal experiences, and I realized she was right. 

 So I say all that to say this…..SCHOOLS SHOULD GIVE MANY, MANY, MANY, VARIOUS COURSES ON SEXUAL EDUCATION.  Do not just teach what a condom is….tell what will happen if it is not used properly,  take the boys to the side and show proper application,  take the girls to the side and show the various sexual safety products like female condoms too. 

Let the schools hire trained professionals that will treat this teaching professionally, and respectfully.  No matter what the teenagers sexual preference….SAFE SEX MUST BE TAUGHT FROM  9TH GRADE THROUGH 12 GRADE. 

That might be a better option than JUST giving out a condom.  Safe sex and sex relations and sex products for procreation, and abortion/prolife should be held at the begining of the school term for atleast one week as part of the core curriculum. 

 Most of the ignorance is continued by lack of knowledge in the American Society and  country.  The United States is a Super Power……why are our children more aware of Disney World, Disney Land,  video games,  popular music and the like….but ignorant on their own bodies, the risks of sexual activity, the pros and cons of birth control, and pregnancy vs. prolife/prochoice?

I would hope that my voice will be heard.  Look,  if a religious school realizes how important it is for their students to have CONTROL over their bodies….because that control over one’s body actually does control one’s future and destiny…..why not let all schools create a program that will teach and do no harm?

  With proper guidance and education maybe our children, and their children’s children will have the option to decrease abortions,  aides, and domestic violence.  It will not solve the world’s problems, but it will be an assist to the world overall.

—–RIVEROFLIFELISAJOY

Advertisements

Candida Just Wanted to Meet the Man of Her Dreams –Attacked on a Date–non/fiction story

Chinese Ink through Time by RiveroflifelisajoyCandida had been a freshman in the second semester of Queens College.   She met a very tall, good looking guy called Donado in the main building of the college one day.  She saw him after he saw her it would seem.

  She was walking and he approached her and said “Hello!  How are you doing today?”  She was taken back because she was deep in thought about issues of the day.   He was with friends.  She was surprised that  he would talk to her. 

 She was naturally shy and withdrawn.  They walked across the campus to her next class.  She gave Donado her telephone number and they talked on the phone that night.   He was very, very tall.  She was only 5’2″. 

 Her mother said that he seemed a bit too tall for her.  She did not care.  He seemed nice.  They ate lunch at college together.  One weekend Donado invited Candida to go to the KingsPlaza Mall in Brooklyn where he lived. 

 Candida, being some what  sheltered she was nervous when she had to take the long train ride to Brooklyn,  and had thoughts of sitting in the movie theatre and having something to eat in the mall with her new “boyfriend”.  This would be her first boyfriend. 

 Her mother would not allow her to date in junior highschool, or highschool.  No one ever had called the house when she was growing up.  Although she was in college,  she knew she had a lot more to learn then just academics!

 She had told her mother that she would be going to Brooklyn to have lunch and a movie with Donado. Her mother gave her the usual warnings about safety.

  When she came out of the subway she saw Donado immediately.  He had a big smile on his face.  He took her hand and walked with her to the Kings Plaza Mall.  Once in side he ran into some of his friends. 

 He was proud to introduce her to his “boys” and they were pleasant.  Candida had butterflies in her stomach.  This was her first date!  At 19 years old, she was embarressed to tell anyone that she had never had a real boyfriend! 

 Now, she felt like a more mature person.  It was fun.  Wow, and he was so tall, and she felt protected and secure!  They had a lunch and then he wanted to stop at his house before they went to the movies.   He shared his apartment with his mother.

  His mother seemed rather small, and thin and pale.  She looked very tired, exhausted.  The house was clean, but she seemed annoyed with Donado.  He went to his bedroom to get something and Candida and Donado’s Mom, had a uncomfortable silence. 

 She did not ask Candida any questions and did not volunteer any conversation.  His mother just looked around the room.  Donado soom emerged from his bedroom and left without saying anything to his mother. 

His mother asked when he would be back and he said after the movie.  When they exited the apartment he took Candida by the hand and  limited his long strides so that she could keep up with him.  They arrived at the movie theatre and he paid for the tickets.  The movie was all that Candida expected.

  Donado placed his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to him.  Candida could feel her heart racing within her chest.  Wow!  She thought!  I have a boyfriend!  Her stomach fluttered, and she felt a warming sensation deep within.

  She felt that she had come to the place that she had seen other young ladies with their boyfriends on the college campus. 

 She was not a loner anymore!  I have a boyfriend!  I have a boyfriend!  She could barely keep her mind on the movie! 

 She could not wait to get home and tell her friend from college about the movie and her boyfriend and his arm around her shoulder! 

 After the movie ended Donado said, “Lets go back to my house before you go home and play some checkers,  you want to do that?”

  Candida, really was ready to go home because her mother warned her about traveling at night from an area she was not familiar with. 

 She said, okay, but just for a little while. When she entered the living room, Donado invited her to sit on the leather couch.  He went to his room and got a box that contained the checkers. 

 His mother did not come out of her room this time.  She heard his mother call Donado several times before he finally answered her. Donado brought Candida a cool drink from the kitchen.  He sat next to her and said I want a kiss. 

 Candida was unpracticed in romantic activities so she gave him a peck on the cheek.  This was the first time they had been some what alone since they had met. 

 When she reached over to kiss his cheek he turned and kiss her on the mouth full and then pryed her lips apart and then planted  a deep kiss on her. 

 Ugh!  She felt drool on her face, and her mouth.  She felt sick, and nauseas. 

She pushed him away and he persisted.  She began to feel scared because he had practically climbed on top of her.  Soon he had her shirt up and was pulling at her bra! 

 She was stunned and embarressed. She was wondering what would his mother think! 

 She would never had let something like this happen in her mother’s house, especially with the mother in the next room. 

 She tried to talk and he continued to kiss her forcefully on the mouth.  At one point she thought that she almost could not breath.  He was tall and pressing hard against her. 

 She wanted to run from this night mare and could not get away.  Donado finally got his way and had pulled her blouse part way off and her bra too.

  Suddenly his mother was in the room and yelling…..DONADO!!!

WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING TO  HER?!!!!

  What are you doing to that girl? 

 Stop it do you hear? 

Stop it I said! 

  Candida’s heart was pumping, and her ears and face were burning from the heat of the emabarressment and fear she was experienceing.  All she wanted to do was to run. 

 She had never really kissed anyone before.  Plus she had never had anyone take her shirt off of her either.  She was humilated.  Donado’s mother must have thought that she was’nt such a nice person too. 

 Donado got up off the couch and ran over to his mother and told her to shut up and go back into her room.  They began to argue and Candida pulled her blouse and bra back on and also began to put on her coat. 

 Donado wheeled around and said,

 “Where are you going?” 

“I am leaving, I want to go home!” Candida said. 

 Donado looked puzzled, “What’s the matter?  What do you mean what is the matter?”

  Candida could barely speak. 

 Her feelings were hurt, and all she wanted to do was get on the train and get home to the safety of her mother’s house.  She felt lost and afraid of this Donado!

  When he got her to the train station she went in and did not look back.  He called her at home and she would hang up on him.  He saw her at college and she would avoid him. 

 What is the matter is all he kept saying, and she would reply, “You know what you did!”  Donado then replied,  “You need to grow up little girl!” 

 Candida was so ashamed, because Donado had said that in front of his friends.  From that day forward she walked in another direction.  She avoided that area. 

 Some months later she met another young man at church, who treated her with respect, and they dated for several years.

Dating and relationships are delicate like a flower.  They need to have care, compassion and  mutual respect. 

 The experience described here is true.  The names were changed for obvious reasons. 

 Candida had been inexperienced in dating.  But that did not make it justified for Donado to attempt to dominate her. 

This blog is for those young people who are dating and have had this experience, or might have it.

Remember respect one another,  date rape, or near date rape is not fun.  If someone says no!   No,  means just that NO! 

I hope this story will help others in their quest for relationships.

Be kind to one another.

Till next blog,

Riveroflifelisajoy