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WHY DID My Son Stop Drinking Milk?


My Boy

I  have  tears in my eyes as  I listen to Ave Maria and I write this blog. I am crying because it is so beautiful.  It is not the traditional Ave Maria. I found it on Youtube. But the second reason I am crying while I write this  blog is that My  22 soon to be 23 year old (March 30, 2016) son Stopped drinking milk actually Friday Night.  I was shocked when he  brought home Almond milk.

I said to him, Why did you buy that? He said, I saw what they do to COWS.  I immediately knew when he said that that he saw something  HORRIBLE on the internet about  the abuses  suffered by  our  wonderful COWS that provide life saving calcium and nutrition. Although some vegans might beg to differ.

Nonetheless COW MILK has  been a staple in the United States as far back as most people can remember.  We worry about  Homogenized milk and  cleaning the bacteria from it.  But  do we  ever  concern our  thoughts  with the LONG  HOURS  COWS are hooked up to those  MILKING MACHINES.

Do we ever consider that  those  COWS are not allowed to walk freely?  Do we  ever  think about that the milk that they provide is  really for their  own little heifer that they never  conceive and never  give birth to.  Do we  think about  the  COWS—————–

being SLAUGHTERED/murdered when they  has  been used  to the  final part of  its SHORT SHORT LIFE?  I did not have to see the video that my son saw to understand  what  he  meant.

What makes me  cry is  so many things,  so many feelings,  so many concepts and arguments in my head.

First of all my son touched my heart deeply because  he has come to be a man and  take a stand for what  he  believes no matter what the cost.  My son stopped drinking  milk because he  saw the importance in  to seeing  a wrong in the world around him and doing something about it.

Even if all he  could  do in some  small  way —was to STOP DRINKING MILK—I do not know  if even one  COW would be saved by my  son’s Selfless Actions  but  it touched my heart to see the my  SON has  truly understood how my  life  and  actions  have always been to protect  the HELPLESS,  THE LOST,  THE LONELY,  THE HURT , THE HARMED,  whether it be  a bird,  a animal, broken tree branch, a flower,  a delicate insect like a praying mantis,  or even a slug or snail—and  MOST OF ALL ANY AND ALL HUMAN BEINGS.

I was a  LAW ENFORCEMENT  SGT. for  over 25 years and it was my job to protect life and society from harm.  My son is getting ready to graduate from New York City College of  Technology as  a BroadCast Director and Graphic Designer. My son JOSHUA HOWARD has no interest in pursuing a LAW ENFORCEMENT career.

My son observed my struggles and  strains to raise him and  care for his  grandmother after his  father  became  castrophically sick and left me  with all the struggles and strains of  SINGLE PARENTHOOD.  However no matter what  I cared for my mother and  6 dogs at one time  while  still going to a full time LAW ENFORCEMENT JOB.


I was injured and hurt so many times and  suffered many problems but  finished my 25 years and  now  am about to see my son complete his  4 year college degree.  I want my son to have  his  needs  met, have an occupation that will fulfill his  hearts desire and be able to  turn back and help, teach, and LEAD the next generation of  HUMANBEINGS.

I believe as a mother I realize that my mortality is  forth coming, as  with anyone who has  been alive and worked super hard to  care for a family and then move out of the way for the next generation to achieve and reach their goals.

So that my son stopped drinking  MILK,  shows me that  THERE IS HOPE AND  PERSPECTIVE GOOD HEARTS IN OUR NEXT GENERATION….if my son is  any example  of that.

Because,  just  like  I worked hard to teach my son VALUES I KNOW  there are other parents  who have  taught their children and wonder if  any of those EARLY lessons  ever  stuck.


“taking the path less traveled has made all the difference.”

Sometimes with this AGE OF TECHNOLOGY you might feel that your children have become mindless drones and just  respond to TEXT MESSAGES,  TWITTER, FACEBOOK AND TUMBLER, –however my fellow parents do not despair…MY SON STOPPED DRINKING MILK TODAY.



Keeping Summer in Your Heart

I have  been stuck in the house most of  the  summer.  Seven  Days  a week, 24 hours a day.  How  do I keep myself  from  getting  too down about it?  I keep summer in my heart.  There are  happy memories and  joyful  thoughts that  give me  grace.  So  I keep the moments  free of  anger,  and resentment.  There are  time of  sadness or bewilderment  for the  questions  surrounding me being  locked up in my house.

I have multiple  medical issues;  I had a car accident  that  took my car away; I have a limited income.  But  I can  sit and write this  small blog to keep myself  going. Keep your  dreams in your  heart mind and soul.  Do not  give in to complete depression.  I look at  my  circumstances and  I try to appreciate the kindness of the  people around me  and  try not  to give up because  others  have  not  given up on me  and my family.  So I try to keep my chin up and  look up and  have a  mind and  spirit of  thankfulness.

So if you are like me  and  are  stuck in the house  for reasons that are  beyond your  control,  know that you are  not  alone.

Till next blog…



I have heard and read stories in the
news paper…”Not the Post”—but the Daily
News and Times about people who have
received heart transplants and begin to have
certain behaviors, likes and dislikes of the
owner of the heart that he/she received
in transplantation.

I often wonder..since I read that…what would
someone remember or what strong habits
do I have that would be remembered if I
were to become a heart donator?

My heart would remember my:
First Kiss from my mother when I was born?
My first kiss from my boyfriend when I was
My first hug, first steps, first days of school
My first love?
The day I received Jesus as My Lord and
My first witness of who Jesus is in my
life after that Ephiany of Salvation?
My wedding day to my x-husband?
My realization that my husband had
left me the first time….the second time
and when he became tragically sick?
My first nights of sleeping alone in a bed
that I had shared with someone for ten
My first time of loss from a companion who
I would never see again in life
My first look at my son and realize that he
had lost his father forever to a tragic
disease and who would not ever see his
father again.
My first time that my mother would tell me
that I have to go on for my son…and
focus my attention on the Lord and raising
my son without his father…
My first date with a man….two years after
we tragically lost my husband
My son’s first words, my son’s birthday
and how special that was
My son’s look and behavior that reminds
me of his father…
My life since I have learned to let go and
move forward from my fears and allow
God to lead me toward a new and
joyful life…

Yes….you know the HEART HAS A MEMORY


Sometimes we forget to pray
Sometimes we forget to even
Thank you!
Lord God Almighty
How many miracles have I received this
year already?
Lord God Almighty
You have shielded me,
Loved me, protected me…
You have shielded my neighbors
You have protected my neighbors
Lord God Almighty
through you all things were made…
Through you people are strengthened
to continue on!
Thank you Lord God Almighty!



I like yarn
Yarn is soft…yarn feels nice
when I work it into a scarf
Yarn glides over my hands and
fingers and
I feel comforted
by its simple soft
I like to see my yarn work
into a project
to forever hold its
I like yarn because
it gives me a new
place to hide
each tiny thought,
feeling and idea
as I work the yarn through
my fingers and hands
Jogging has the
same feeling, as
well as swimming laps
As you weave, jog,or
swim you begin to
take the action or the
movement into normal
automatic movement
and then your thoughts
begin to sway with each
pull of thread, or each step of
your foot for jogging,
or each swing of your arm for
And then suddenly you are not
in the immediate world of
knitting, jogging, or swim…
Your thoughts have taken
over and you brain presents
relived moments, conversations,
hugs, kisses, visions of a sunrise,
or sunset, plans for tomorrow,
thoughts of even some events
that have to be evaluated and
come to concious level —giving
way to analyization and so on…
So I like yarn….I get so
much accomplished while
I sit and do repetitive
movements like knitting!
I find comfort in yarn…
yes I do!

How about you??


Dear Lord,

It has been a long, long day.
I woke up too early and too sad this
morning …for alot of reasons.
Some I will admit to and others I am
still trying to figure out.

Some subconscious desires I am willing
to let you address through my prayers.
and other issues, I can see and you can
help me to see clearer.

Please Lord grant me peace tonight!
Let my sleep be sweet and let me rest
in your love.


I APOLOGIZE…LORD–and Thank you

Dear Lord,

I am your child…but
I grow frustrated sometimes
when I feel like time goes by too
I wish I could stay like a person I know
where I would have constant faith and it
be unshakeable faith.
I get nervous and lonely and scared.
I admit it Lord….I confess my sin.

I have doubt …while others a full of

BUT TODAY…I confess I was a bad child!

I was sad and dispondent…I was lonely and
fearfull, I admit to jealousy of other
women that have husbands, mates, and
boyfriends….I admit my sin Lord Jesus!

How many friends do I have? NOne!
So I admit my sin Lord–I admit my sin.

Please Lord, you are mighty and strong…
Show yourself mighty and strong in my heart
and give me your grace and power.

Hallelujah! Thank you Lord Jesus! I could
not make it without you.

Please Lord…grant me forgiveness of my
selfish will, my head strong self
determine. I had no help I thought…and the
help came. I had no love Lord and you
had someone to me proclaim…
your love!~
I had no peace Lord and to me
peace came…
I had no joy Lord and to me
Joy came…
So I apologize Lord…that I allowed to grow
into the cast down feeling.

Yes, I am still alone….and lonely….I feel lost
around young and old couples,

I do feel sad about my losses in life…
but I do have your life, your love..
your peace and your joy.
Thank you Lord…and forgive me again…
Thank your for having patience on me and
on my soul, and saving me from my sins
through Jesus Christ during this Lenten
Amen! And also thankyou for answering my
prayer about food today…this Saturday.
I remember Lord that I wrote so many
sad and down trodden poems and prose
about not having food to feed my family.
But Lord you had mercy and delivered me and
my family.
Thank you God….Again….your wayward
chile…river of life…AKA MUD OF LIFE
Lisa Miserable…..((((when I am not being
a good servant))))


I went to a Bible Study and the people
were talking to a woman who had changed
her hair style…
Oh, Sister…you look beautiful…
YOu have the glow of the Lord on you!
This Bible group is for singles.

I am a single who has been thrown to
the curb by her husband ten years ago.
I do not belong in this group …I realize that
I am lost and forgotten about.

I am ugly…within….cast away….and
No man looks to me…
No person has interest…

I am unwanted…and unloved…
I am lost….
I look up at the woman that they said has
the “Glow of the Lord on her” and she is


Maybe I didn’t.

I believe I never had it.

That is why my husband left me…
That is why no one comes to me now..
I am alone….and lost…
I am a Christian…but I suffer with finances..
If I was a woman without a child I would
feel better.
But I have a child who has medical needs.
I have my mother too….she has medical

I have been working for over 20 years in the
same occupation…
but yet….and still I have no decent income.
I am not looking for a man to feed and clothe
I want to be able to care for myself…
Nowadays…no man seeks to “care” for
anybody but himself…Well…No man wants
to care for a 48 year old fat, black woman
with a hair weave….which hides my severely
grey hair.
“YOu have the glow of the Lord on You!”
They are still praising that woman.
They like her alot…Now they say–
“OH, you are going to be the next person
to get married here in this Singles Bible
Group!”—YOu are changing from the inside
and it shows on the outside….You are so
She walked around the room and opened the
Bible Study in Prayer….
(((I wanted to leave….)))

I feel so lost, so alone….so cast down
to the bottom of a pit….
so alone I sit …here on this stupid, stupid

5 am….driving down Jericho Turnpike

Driving down Jericho Turnpike,
I cry, and cry…
My heart aches
My soul quakes with anguish
Why me, why me….ME–ME–ME–
Why do I have to live like this?

I have no food to feed my son and my
I have no one to turn to….except this
stupid…stupid blog!

I have no friends except for the people
who completely by mistake read this stupid
stupid blog…riveroflifelisajoy….
Right now –it should be called, MUD OF LIFE


why is it my life is stuck in the job cycle?

Why can’t I accomplish more than sadness?
Why does the Bible state that the Lord will
turn my sorrow into gladness?

I have been suffering from the loss of my
husband for- over 10 (ten) years!

No man…no CHRISTIAN MAN…even thinks of
me….no DECENT MAN even contemplates

I have no one call out to.
How many times can I ask for help from the

I want to succeed….yet everytime I put my
hand to the task…somebody in the house\
gets sick…and there I go again…running to
the hospital!….Taking off from work..and
now bosses on my job dislike or distrust my
responsibility ethic! It is just not fair.

Why is it counterparts…women my age are
married, have relationships, and have
money to pay bills and feed the family?

I work constantly….but my paycheck is not \
enough to survive on.

My rent is $1600.00 per month.
I have debt that is based on day to day
I work alot of overtime…but the amount of
money I get….gets eaten up by taxes,
and Life Insurance, Disabilty insurance too.

I am beyone words with sorrow…
So there I was early this morning….Saturday..
while my mother and son slept…
I walked to my car…because I wanted to
place a phone call could not from my
house phone because I do not have long
distance….So I had to seek a pay phone.

I went down Braddock Ave. and could not
find a working telephone.
I took off down Jericho Turnpike—
I found a phone…across the street
from a favorite store Catalanos….it has
music instruments, and music books and
music stuff of all kinds.
I called someone…but their cell number
does not answer.

Their mail box is full….the message voice
sounds so smug! It make me start crying
all over again…
It stated: “The mail box is FULL…no messages
can be left at this time!”

That was not a hope…I just wanted to
call out to somebody…and it looks as if
God has left me…alone…again..
So I drove back home and climbed back into
my bed and went into a turtored sleep.
I can barely stand myself…
I feel worthless, and not a good person.
I have empty cabinets, and empty
ice box…no food to feed my mother and

I can gowithout…I am fat….but my son and
my mother need to eat.

I have to humble myself the minster preached
last night….
Oh, God…help me…please! I have no more
words to say….I must have done something
to deserve this….
I must have done something to deserve this.

What does being humble mean?

I have not been able to figure this out.
Some people have told me that I am humble.
A man said it.
But when I went to a Bible study it seems that
I heard that word alot.
Some how I was not as humble as I thought
Then I found myself crying throughout most
of the Bible Study.
So what do I do?
I have to see what it is I am doing wrong.
I am lost at words and lost in my life
I feel that I have caused most of the problems
That I really had no control over.
But somehow…it seems by my attitude…
I am not humble enough…for God to bless
me with a husband, or even just a boyfriend
A companion.
I have been alone for over ten years since
my X-husband has been missing due to
his catastrophic disease…and his adultry.
I miss him for who he had been to me
I miss him for his joy, and I miss him for
his friendship…
I have let go of him…
but no man every approaches me…
I have met men who wanted to use me…
or take advantage of me….I pray for a
Christian Man….but now I am too old
for anybody at all.
So I sat in the Bible study and cried….
Sometimes tears a good….but tonight…
I felt really, really, really, alone…in the midst
of other people.
Do you really want to know why?
I only have $10.00 to my name.
I do not have money and I am without
food to feed my son and mother till
next paycheck
I am lost.;—I feel humiliated…and ashamed
Ashamed that I have no mate, no husband
no one who I can call out to for help.
Sure I can ask the Pastor…but I did that a
month ago.
Things have not gotten better.
So is it a mate, or boyfriend that will
change my circumstance?
No, of course not.

God is the only one that can help me.
So with my prayer….how come I have not
gotten the answer I need to put food on this
dinningroom table.
What does being humble mean anyway?
How humble and humiliated can I become

so that I can get food?

Dear God,

I ask for your help and deliverance.
I ask for forgiveness,
I want to repent of my sins
and I want to see Jesus in my life
I am truly a sinner saved by your grace

But I need your help Lord…
have mercy on me…
Save my family from my lack of finances,,,
I pay rent, but, there is not enough money
to go around after I do that.
Now I sit here at 4 am in the morning on a
Saturday without breakfast for my child…
I am lost and alone…
and worse yet….I am without food.
Thank you Lord for your love and compassion