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Archive for fear of death and dying

A Thought Provoked….

Old Fabric by RiveroflifelisajoyUpon my bed I lay

eyes shut and dreaming

my mind spins in time with

my breathing

Breathe deep and then

it feels shallow,

possibly a cold or bronchitis

The day eventful, loss of pay

loss of my goals

just for today

Looking at the gray clouded sky

outside my window in this

my dream,

I think, what if…..just what if

I could not see?

What if, I could not be me?

What if I could not raise my hand

to wipe away that bit of sand

on my brow or my feet?

What if  I had to wait

and wait, and wait

for someone to raise my body

to feed me, or clothe me?

What if I could not speak?

If I were always very, very ill and


What if this thought provoked by

my mother,

her talks about life to me

 Make me contimplate my possible destiny

had I not been born

though not wealthy at all

to this family that struggled

through and

buried our loved ones one or two

over the years.

Being wrapped up like kitten in

side a ball of yarn.

The thoughts provoked create 

a fresh fortress for my hurt and my


 What if,  after all is over,  I am

desolate, dead and alone in

my grave

What if,  time does not stand

still, but continues on in some

twilight realm

With a strange and eerie

cloud of purple   mist

A little boat cresting on the

floating purple cloud

but then I awake

from my bed and sleepiness

I must shake

My thought provoked

my dreams dare lead

me to the shallows of

the marshy swamps

with quick sand laid

to suck me under

to the realm of the purple

mist, My hurt to battle

without sword or shield

What if, what if!

I had not driven up that road

I had not eaten that pear

I had not said that phrase

What if I dare say what if

I could replay, restate and

forgive myself for what I

said to you, my friend

this day!

For from clay I am made

but from the iron of my family ancestory..

for endurance

 at my core

 I must

regain my strength

to move forward

and not ponder

the thought provoked.