Riveroflifelisajoy’s Weblog

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5 am….driving down Jericho Turnpike

Driving down Jericho Turnpike,
I cry, and cry…
My heart aches
My soul quakes with anguish
Why me, why me….ME–ME–ME–
Why do I have to live like this?

I have no food to feed my son and my
mother…
I have no one to turn to….except this
stupid…stupid blog!

I have no friends except for the people
who completely by mistake read this stupid
stupid blog…riveroflifelisajoy….
Right now –it should be called, MUD OF LIFE
–LISA MISERABLE!

WHERE DID I GO WRONG?

why is it my life is stuck in the job cycle?

Why can’t I accomplish more than sadness?
Why does the Bible state that the Lord will
turn my sorrow into gladness?

I have been suffering from the loss of my
husband for- over 10 (ten) years!

No man…no CHRISTIAN MAN…even thinks of
me….no DECENT MAN even contemplates
me!

I have no one call out to.
How many times can I ask for help from the
Church?

I want to succeed….yet everytime I put my
hand to the task…somebody in the house\
gets sick…and there I go again…running to
the hospital!….Taking off from work..and
now bosses on my job dislike or distrust my
responsibility ethic! It is just not fair.

Why is it counterparts…women my age are
married, have relationships, and have
money to pay bills and feed the family?

I work constantly….but my paycheck is not \
enough to survive on.

My rent is $1600.00 per month.
I have debt that is based on day to day
living.\
I work alot of overtime…but the amount of
money I get….gets eaten up by taxes,
and Life Insurance, Disabilty insurance too.

I am beyone words with sorrow…
So there I was early this morning….Saturday..
while my mother and son slept…
I walked to my car…because I wanted to
place a phone call could not from my
house phone because I do not have long
distance….So I had to seek a pay phone.

I went down Braddock Ave. and could not
find a working telephone.
I took off down Jericho Turnpike—
I found a phone…across the street
from a favorite store Catalanos….it has
music instruments, and music books and
music stuff of all kinds.
I called someone…but their cell number
does not answer.

Their mail box is full….the message voice
sounds so smug! It make me start crying
all over again…
It stated: “The mail box is FULL…no messages
can be left at this time!”

That was not a hope…I just wanted to
call out to somebody…and it looks as if
God has left me…alone…again..
So I drove back home and climbed back into
my bed and went into a turtored sleep.
I can barely stand myself…
I feel worthless, and not a good person.
I have empty cabinets, and empty
ice box…no food to feed my mother and
son.

I can gowithout…I am fat….but my son and
my mother need to eat.

I have to humble myself the minster preached
last night….
Oh, God…help me…please! I have no more
words to say….I must have done something
to deserve this….
I must have done something to deserve this.

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