Riveroflifelisajoy’s Weblog

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Archive for February 3, 2009

When will the pain stop?

When will the pain stop?
When I go out to shop?
When I cheer my child on at at tennis match?
When will this deep soul pain stop?
When I give myself way into my work
and service to others?
When will this pain and hurt go away?
When I do not mention it to others?
When will this old fear die with it?
When will this change for the better?
I hope today….maybe tomorrow…
or the next….
But Lord….when will the pain stop?

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DO MY ARMS FEEL SOFT?

do my arms feel soft?
is my hair fragrant?
are my cheeks smooth?
are my lips like pomgranate?
is my embrace one from which
you will not flee?
Who am I to you?
Will I ever know, will I ever know?

EVERYONE WAS PLAYING….

EVERYONE WAS PLAYING A GAME AND
I WAS NOT PICKED FOR THE TEAM
I WAS NOT ASKED TO PLAY
SO HERE I SIT ON THE SIDELINES
OF LIFE….SAD, REJECTED AND
FULL OF STRIFE
EVERYONE WAS PLAYING AND I WAS NOT
PICKED TO JOIN IN THE FUN
EVERYONE WAS PLAYING AND I WAS
NOT ALLOWED TO ENTER INTO THE
INNER CIRCLE
I AM UNDONE

HURTING WITHIN AND CANNOT STOP

WHEN I WOKE THIS MORNING THERE
WAS THIS NAGGING PAIN
IT WAS DEEP WITH IN MY SOUL
LOSS OF LOVE, LONLINESS AND
SOME THOUGHTS
THAT COMPLAIN ABOUT MY LIFE
AND CIRCUMSTANCES…
THE PASTOR PREACHES AND IT TRULY
REACHES ME….BUT SOMETIMES THE
LOSS OF MY LOVE FROM TEN YEARS
AGO RISES TO THE TOP WHEN
I SEE ELDERLY COUPLES CELEBRATING
THEIR LOVE, OR YOUNG COUPLES ABOUT
TO VENTURE INTO A NEW MARRIAGE, AND
I AM LOST, AND LONELY IN THEIR
MIDST….SMILING AND CONGRATULATING
THEM ON THEIR HAPPINESS WHILE I WALK
OUT OF THEIR PRESENCE ALONE…
HURTING WITHIN AND CANNOT STOP

ssshSILLY ME….SILLY ME

SILLY ME….SSSSHSILLY ME!
YOU THINK YOU CAN FOOL ME INTO
BELIEVING THAT LOVE ….ROMANTIC
LOVE FOR ME IS POSSIBLE? OH, NOT TRUE
NOT TRUE….FOR YOU ARE ATTEMPTING
TO LURE ME INTO A FALSE HOPE THAT
IS NOT FOR ME….FOR I AM TOO OLD…
I AM TOO OLD~!
MY POUCH OF A STOMACH GIVES AWAY
THE TRUTH OF MY UGLINESS, THOSE
WITH A BEAUTY AND A GRACE…THOSE
ARE THE ONES WHO PUT A SMILE ON YOUR
FACE….FOR I AM NOT EASY TO FOOL…
SSSHSILLY ME…..SILLY ME….TO THINK
THAT I COULD TURN HEADS AGAIN….
NOT THIS GREY HAIR….NOT THIS OVERSIZE
WAIST….
SSSSHSILLY ME…..SILLYME
PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO MAKE ME FEEL
GOOD ABOUT MY AGE AND MY WEIGHT
FOR I AM PAST MY TIME AND OVER THE
HILL…..I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON WORKING
AND CARING FOR OTHERS….BUT FOR
ROMANCE….THAT IS FOR THE YOUNG…
NOT FOR 48 YEAR OLD —OLD WOMEN…
LIKE MYSELF….SSSSHSILLY ME….SILLY ME!~

AM I TOO OLD….?

They do not want me,
anymore
They do not want me
anymore
They look at me
and seem like they
decide and look away
because they do not
want me anymore
When I was young and
my hair was not gray
My hips and waist
would sway
They would ask me
out for dates,
but now my
waist
hides from them all
and my face and hair
are a mere shadow of
my past
I do not choose to
look into the store mirror looking
glass —it tells me what
THEY see….or do not see….
AM I TOO OLD….? Some say yes, others
say no….I cry myself to sleep?
I ask why? was it taken from me??? My
youth….why did I waist TEN YEARS missing
you and now I am old???
NO one came to replace you….I looked and
no one knocked on the door….NO ONE
EVEN TRIED TO LOVE ME….
NO ONE EVEN LOOKED MY WAY….
NO ONE…NOT EVEN UP UNTIL TO DAY!
AM I TOO OLD?
Middleage….too old to have another child
my furnace pilot light is about to
go out…..the flame flickers and I feel faint
AM I TOO OLD?
AM I TOO OLD?
AM I TOO OLD?
am i too old?
amitooold?~

MORE TINY THINGS

a warm bed, a soft pillow, a warm shower,
a clean towel, fresh toothpaste, and mouth
wash, always abundant toilet paper, a soft
carpet to step on when you step out of the
shower, a comfortable blanket, a soothing
song with which to fall a asleep, a picture of
your favorite person, your best hair day
a hug from your child, a hug from your mother
a smile from your boss, a hand shake at
church, a well wish for your birthday,
a shared secret, a little flower given by
a child, a little sticker given by a child
a little picture drawn and given by a child,
a dollar borrowed from a friend, a meal
shared with a friend, a parking spot next
to the supermarket, a favorite fruit in
season, a sale on your favorite fruit,
a loss of weight indicated on your house
scale, a loss of weight indicated on your
doctor’s scale, a loss of cholestral, a good
report from your doctor, a invitation to
a wedding, a invitation to party, an
invitation to a baby shower, memory of your
child’s first words, a memory of your
child’s first steps, a memory of your
child’s first day at kindergarten, a memory
of your child’s graduation from kindergarten,
a memory of your child’s first….firsts
in life!
more tiny things, more tiny things that
make life worth living…that make life worth
living~!