Riveroflifelisajoy’s Weblog

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I’m tired….

Can I speak—or write from my inner brain thoughts that I dare not say to your face?  Thoughts of exhaustion so deep that it even scares me to voice it—even in a whisper.  Fearing that some other worldly being might over hear and then over take me realizing how vulnerable I am at this very moment—deep distrust I have of my true inner tired malize.  I apologize…but I am truly,  utterly tired. 

Tired of what you might ask—It is quite simple—-I am tired of lack of concern for others —-tired of the mental disconnect that I see in the human race every day.  Oh,  yes,  there was that man that jumped down into the subway tracks to save a life and was successful.  Yes there are people out there that put their lives on the line 24 hours a day as Policemen,  Security guards included…..So what am I so cranky and tired about?—–I sound spoiled don’t I?  Well think again—it is not the big things that destroy the Vineyard—-according to the New Testament—-IT IS THE LITTLE FOXES THAT DESTROY THE VINEYARD—-THE LITTLE FOXES…..the little foxes—yes,  the little pests that will not go away—you set traps,  you seal off holes,  you put up new fences and those little buggers keep right on boring holes through everything—eating up your goods and produce.   In real terms what are the “little foxes” of which I am complaining of such utter dibilitating exhaustion from fighting from sun up to sun down seven days a week?  The details of course….the “devil is in the details!”  Meaning—life has issues that must be addressed,  somethings are simple to fix, while yet other issues are not so easy to over come and eliminate. 

For example,  I had my child in private Christian School all of his life.  He had developed a medical condition—so although he was in a great school  enviornment,  he had a medical condition that made life in that school very,  very  difficult for him and for me.  So for all the planning and scacrifice I did—I was not happy with the school.  He graduated from there after nine years….but guess what?  I am exhausted from the lack of understanding,  the lack of compassion,  and the lack of human love that my son did experience in a private Christian School!  It was a rough nine years.  A previous episode in my life and my son’s life

—if you read the other blogs would indicate that we had a tragic loss….so my son developing a medical condition made our lives a bit more complicated.  But I pray,  and prayed,  and prayed…..as it were I laid myself, my child, and the problems at the foot of the Lord Jesus Christ and I had to leave the issue and the details there. 

 I took all those little pesky foxes and tossed them at the alter—-I said, “Lord, I can not do this all by myself—I NEED HELP!!!!”   Oh, yes the help came….but I am a spiritual cry baby!!!!  I said,  “Lord, you helped me in one issue—now what do I do about the other issue….of course—I laid that at the alter for the Lord to fix too.  —Do you think that I am wrong for being just  a tiny bit tired?  I just want to sit on a beautiful beach in a white flowing gown and enjoy a lovely sunset

…..I Love the Lord…..because he has patience with me..   People do not have the time or energy to be patient—-even when they love you—sometimes they mean well—but issues always get in the way….”those little foxes again—-but hang in their fellow blogers…even if you are not a “believer—-Lay those issues at the foot of God Almighty and yell out—LORD!  I CAN NOT MAKE BY MYSELF—I NEED YOUR HELP AND GUIDANCE—-THANK YOU FOR BEING THE ALPHA AND OMEGA—THE  BEGINNING AND THE END!!! —-

yES, WE ALL GET TIRED—The Apostle Paul said that,  We are cast down—but not forsaken….so rest in that knowledge that no matter what,  no matter how dark the day—-God says he will never leave us alone!!!   –

-and Hey!  I am reminding myself of that very true percept—and hoping to inform those who do not know about it  and invite you to seek out for the one who will take away some of that exhaustion—and refill all of us to capacity and give us strength to care for ourselves and our families!!!-

–Good Night!!!


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